I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
COCAINE IS GR8
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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