Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just pee around me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
