I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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