i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
