This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
