he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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