When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this will be a night to untag.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
