Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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