Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
