Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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