If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
