Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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