Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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