Me too!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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