Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
