so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
