I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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