xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
