I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
