its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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