So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
