next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
