I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
