So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
