I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
