We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
