K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
