It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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