You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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