Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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