I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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