i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
