She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
