So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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