I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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