I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
