i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
