i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
God, I missed his penis.
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