He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
