is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
