I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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