Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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