Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
