drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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