i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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