I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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