I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
