CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
