Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
