I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
