Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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