I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
