I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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