a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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