Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
