remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.