Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER