he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
