if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
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Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night