Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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