mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.