I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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