Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
