Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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