You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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