I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
