You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
