I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
