Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
